


1927

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: Utter Nonsense [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this instead of studying too, M/M, Sassy Peter Quill, Tony Being Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:48:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Tony didn’t do art and that included film festivals but Pepper insisted they go. Personally Tony liked bad action movies- he didn’t give a shit how cliché the plots were, he just wanted stuff to blow up and maybe some cool cars. The height of cinema for him was the Fast and Furious franchise. Needless to say all the artsy shit that was in film festivals wasn’t his style but Pepper told him he owed her so here he was.“Man, you do not look excited to be here,” someone says and Tony turns to find an attractive blonde behind him grinning.





	1927

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: 1927 is the year the Academy of Motion Picture Art & Sciences was created. I chose to name the fic this because Peter is into film making in this and also because I couldn't think of a name and my film history exam was on the brain so.
> 
> Also Tony not liking annoying political types is honestly a callout @ me lmao.

Tony didn’t do art and that included film festivals but Pepper _insisted_ they go. Personally Tony liked bad action movies- he didn’t give a shit how cliché the plots were, he just wanted stuff to blow up and maybe some cool cars. The height of cinema for him was the Fast and Furious franchise. Or James Bond. Or anything with Tom Cruise in it and he’d ignore that one time he met the guy and had one of the weirdest conversations he’s ever had because you know, stuff was blowing up. Needless to say all the artsy shit that was in film festivals wasn’t his style but Pepper told him he owed her after that time in the garage and she wasn’t wrong so he allowed her to drag him along to some stupid film thing.

“Man, you do _not_ look excited to be here,” someone says and Tony turns to find an attractive blonde behind him grinning.

“I don’t do weird art shit, my best friend dragged me here,” he says, spotting Pepper across the room talking to someone.

The blonde laughs, “weird art shit- that’s a bit harsh,” he says but he’s still smiling so clearly he doesn’t take offense thank god.

Tony shrugs, “yeah, I can do without a bunch of supposedly clever film makers stating political opinions in random shorts and thinking they’re the pinnacle of enlightened,” he says.

This gets a loud snort out of the blonde and he starts laughing again but this time he takes longer to recover. Pepper spies him from across the room and shakes her head at him but Tony wasn’t going to not speak because he might offend someone delicate sensibilities. It wasn’t his style. “Oh man, tell me how you really feel. So I take it you haven’t liked anything so far?” he asks.

“Well, there was one that was alright- the one with the music. Stuff didn’t blow up but it wasn’t terrible,” he says, earning another laugh.

“Oh my god, opinions on movies from someone who knows nothing about them are my favorite,” he says. “But every short that’s played so far has had music,” he points out.

He rolls his eyes, “the one that used music well. Like it was timed to the actions of the characters or the camera movements and stuff. It made things more interesting,” Tony says. He still couldn’t say he _liked_ it but it wasn’t terrible.

His companion grins just as Pepper appears behind him, “he doesn’t know anything about movies- he thinks the Fast and Furious franchise is good, whatever he said probably isn’t true,” she says quickly.

“Okay first of all the Fast and Furious franchise is eight movies of cinematic _masterpieces_ , thank you. And everything I’ve said is totally true.” It wasn’t his fault that film festivals were dead boring and full of people who pretended like they knew stuff- he was just the one pointing it out.

“I actually like the Fast and Furious movies,” his companion says and Tony gives her a _look_ so she knows that he knows that this guy totally thought he was right so _ha_.

Pepper rolls her eyes at him, “regardless- Tony knows nothing and whatever he said was said purely out of ignorance,” she tells his companion.

“Ha, nah its alright, we all are kind of a bunch of pretentious dicks and he said the only short he liked was the one I made so I’ll take it,” he says and Tony winces. Oh, this was another one of those ‘don’t insult the art at the gallery because you might be talking to the artist’ type deals. Well, shit. No wonder Pepper was so quick to say he was an idiot. “I’m Peter Quill, by the way,” he says, extending his hand to Tony. “And you’re Tony Stark, which mostly I know because you’ve slept with like everyone I know and I like your cameras.”

Pepper looks like she wants the ground to swallow her whole and Tony couldn’t say he felt much different. “I uh… get around,” he says awkwardly. Sometimes he wished he could take his wild twenties back but then he remembered that time he and Rhodey got drunk and unloaded fifteen packs of toilet paper on Justin Hammer’s house and he figured the rest was worth it for just that one moment. There was so much toilet paper that when Hammer called the cops Rhodey and Tony literally hid under some of it until they went away. Obviously they had shown up at Tony’s house but he had video proof he and Rhodey were in the lab all night not that the cops knew who tampered with it and they didn’t listen to Hammer when he said Tony messed up the time stamp. The rest of his twenties left a lot to be desired but that particular moment was a high point.

“Eh, don’t we all? So I take it the red head is who dragged you here?” Peter asks, apparently recognizing that things just got awkward quick.

Pepper looks annoyed. “I basically run your life and no one even knows my name,” she mumbles, shaking her head. “Unbelievable.”

Tony laughs, “Pepper Potts- my assistant and best friend. Yeah, she dragged me here because she likes annoying artist things and I don’t really care as long as stuff blows up,” he says.

“He’s an absolute _barbarian_ ,” Pepper says to Peter.

“Oh I’m sure he’s not that bad,” Peter says and Pepper gives Tony a _look_.

“He thinks Demolition Man should have won an Oscar,” Pepper says in a bland, somewhat annoyed tone.

Peter can’t seem to help but wince at that and Tony jumps in before he can say anything. “That movie is amazing and no one can convince me otherwise,” he says.

Peter still looks pained, “but _Oscar_ worthy? Its got Sylvester Stallone in it,” he says.

“Its got Sandra Bullock in it too and she’s won things,” Tony says in his own defense.

“Alright man, I was with you until that and now I agree with the lovely Pepper Potts,” he says. Pepper looks vindicated and Tony wrinkles his nose at her.

“See? He knows nothing, and I love your work,” Pepper says to Peter. Tony rolls his eyes because Pepper was making heart eyes and it was just vomit worthy. “Don’t give me that look, Tony, you ogled my assistant earlier,” she tells him.

Peter frowns, “your assistant has an assistant?”

“I didn’t _ogle_ Natasha I Googled her and then I ogled those modeling pictures, get it right,” he mumbles even though he totally didn’t mean to ogle anything. That had been a little embarrassing but Natasha took it well and when she took down Happy with nothing but her thighs and badassery Tony decided he wanted ten but Pepper won’t let him. He had no idea why she objected to a whole fleet of competent assistants with murder thighs but whatever.

“You shouldn’t be _ogling_ anything,” Pepper tells him.

“Except my films, and maybe my ass,” Peter says, injecting himself back into the conversation and shocking Pepper.

She throws her hands up, “how do you find people like this everywhere you go?” she asks and with that she leaves, off to find someone else to compliment on filmmaking.

“Any of your stuff have things that blow up?” Tony asks and Peter grins.

*

“Oh come on, my _bed_ , seriously?” someone asks and Tony groans in annoyance at being woken up.

“Where else was I supposed to go? You live here, it made sense,” Peter says.

“You’re washing the sheets,” the other person mumbles and Tony cracks an eye open.

“Who the fuck are you?” he asks some rando with long dark hair piled into a bun.

“His boyfriend, who are the fuck are you?” he asks in a snarky tone.

Tony sits straight up in bed and glares at Peter, “he’s your _what_?” he asks.

“You didn’t tell him?” the boyfriend asks and he rolls his eyes. “Oh my god,” he mumbles, “this is just fucking typical.”

Peter waves Tony off, “its fine, relax about it,” he says, “Bucky, come back! I didn’t have time to say anything!” Peter gets out of bed and follows his apparent _significant other_ out of the room. Tony gets out of bed, locates his pants, finds his phone, and calls Rhodey because he couldn’t call Pepper about this and he sure as hell couldn’t keep it to himself either.

“Do you have any idea what time it is here?” Rhodey asks him in an annoyed tone.

“I just accidentally slept with a guy who is dating another guy and they’re acting super weird like this ‘oh you slept with someone in my bed, ew’ thing is a normal argument for them and if I leave I have to go out the kitchen which I think is where they are and-” Rhodey cuts him off.

“Okay you need to chill. Firstly I don’t even know why you’re surprised, this is normal for you honestly. Second- I don’t care because it is late for me and I want sleep. So good-bye, Tony, and call when it isn’t my bed time,” he says and the goddamn traitor _hangs up_ on him.

“Hey,” Bucky, apparently, says from the doorway to _his_ room and Tony jumps.

“I had no idea this was a thing and I’m just going to take my leave before anyone pulls a knife,” he says, earning a confused look from Bucky.

“People have pulled _knives_ on you for sleeping with their boyfriend? What the _fuck_?” he asks, shaking his head.

“Uh yeah, people tend to not act like a fucking weirdo when someone sleeps with their boyfriend,” he says.

Bucky squints, “its seriously more normal to you that people will threaten you with a deadly weapon than be civil? That’s some toxic monogamy right there,” he says. Tony has no fucking clue what the hell that even was but he feels offended for some reason.

Peter ticks his head in the doorway, “yeah, avoid social justice terms- he probably thinks that kind of thing is pretentious and whatever,” he says.

“Ew, you slept with a bigot, that’s gross,” Bucky says and Tony throws up his hands.

“Okay you know what, I draw the line here, just because I think filmmakers with annoying political opinions are irrelevant does not mean I am a bigot, okay?” He gives Bucky and Peter a _look_ but all he gets in response from Peter is a laugh as he lifts a camera- which was _way_ offensive. “Also if you sell this to the press I will _ruin_ you,” he adds.

This seems to trigger something for Bucky, “oh right, he’s famous, you might actually want to put that down I’d be pretty offended if I were him too. And you,” Bucky says to Tony, “sound like an ass, for the record.”

“I am not! I just don’t like pretentious political types!” Tony says in his own defense.

“Everyone is a pretentious political type if you bring up the right subject,” Bucky tells him.

Tony shakes his head, running a hand through his hair and gripping the strands on the top of his head. “What the fuck is going on?” he mumbles more to himself than Peter or Bucky.

“This is what happens when I forget to mention being in an open relationship and I’m not selling this to anyone, I just think situations like this are comedy _gold_ and I watch these videos when I’m sad because they never fail to make me laugh. Seriously, comedy movies have nothing on this shit,” he says, holding the camera up again. Tony flips him off even though he actually believed that he wasn’t about to sell this. He’s gotten good at rooting out who was lying when they said that and who wasn’t.

“Great, now that I know what the fuck is _happening_ here uh… can someone explain what toxic monogamy is?” he asks, frowning.

*

Tony’s response to being tossed into a relationship structure he hadn’t seen before was fucking _hilarious_ to Bucky. People’s reactions to his and Peter’s relationship never failed to amuse him- or annoy him- depending on how people reacted. Tony mostly looked like he was trying to find the answer to which set of life circumstances led him to this moment in particular. “So,” he says, sitting back in his chair, “this something you two frequently as some kind of weird relationship bonding thing?” he asks.

Peter and Bucky exchange a look and Peter nods, “yeah sometimes.”

“I don’t like being your guinea pig,” he mumbles, glaring at his coffee.

“I don’t know why they’re called that. They aren’t pigs and they aren’t from Guinea,” Bucky says. And they were the most annoying creatures on the planet right after people. Steve had one when they were in college and the damn thing acted like a live alarm clock given that it squeaked every morning at six a.m like clockwork.

“How the hell did you two even _come_ to this arrangement?” Tony asks, frowning.

“Bucky said ‘hey, you can sleep with whomever’ and I was like ‘cool’ and that was that,” Peter says, vastly underselling how that conversation went.

“Okay but _why_?” Tony asks.

“Why not?” Bucky counters. Tony squints at him a little like he’s trying to determine whether or not that was a serious question. “I’m just saying sexual jealousy is weird- who cares who your partner rubs junk with? That isn’t even what relationships are about.” It probably helps, Bucky thinks, that he’s asexual and never really has seen the extreme value in sex. It was okay but he didn’t really go out of his way for it. Honestly two ply toilet paper was the thing he’d be upset to live without, not sex.

“Most people care about that kind of thing,” Tony points out.

“I don’t really care- its toilet paper that’s my concern,” he says.

“It was _one_ time Bucky, let it go!” Peter says, throwing his hands up.

“I had to sandpaper my ass for a _month_ before that shit was gone!” Bucky hisses. It was the utmost betrayal to find out Peter thought _one ply_ was acceptable. It was _not_.

“That is such an exaggeration!” Peter says.

“Is not, it lasted a month,” Bucky tells him. He kept track too, just so he knew if this argument ever happened.

“I think he meant the sandpaper part,” Tony says, making probably the most astute observation Bucky has ever witnessed. So much for being a genius.

“I’m not that dense,” he tells Tony and Peter starts laughing.

“Better than any comedy ever made, I swear,” he says, shaking his head.

*

Tony didn’t know how an argument over toilet paper and his confusion over Peter and Bucky’s relationship turned into him watching 2001: A Space Odyssey with pizza with the two of them but it did and it was… pleasant. As it turned out he and Bucky were equally not into movies even if technically Bucky counted as a pretentious political type, but then Tony was basically everything Bucky hated about institutional oppression so they agreed that they both sucked even if Bucky definitely sucked less. Peter found both of their comments on the movie absolutely horrific but that was probably because they were filling in the gaps of dialogue because there fucking _was none_. Well, there was a little but still, what the fuck?

“I am way too sober for this shit to be enjoyable,” Tony says, shaking his head.

“Right?” Bucky mumbles around his pizza and then he gasps, sitting straight up. “Oh my god, we should get high and watch James Franco movies!”

Peter looks disgusted, “James Franco?” he asks.

“James Franco is a _genius_ ,” Tony says and Bucky nods very seriously beside him.

“You know what, 2001: A Space Odyssey is a fucking _classic_ and it’s brilliant story and it did some _really_ cool shit for its time, okay?” Peter tells them, clearly offended by their choice in movies.

“That shit made no fucking sense,” Tony says, “the first twenty minutes was a bunch of monkeys running around, what the hell?”

“Its smart story telling Tony, Kubrick didn’t spell everything out for the audience,” Peter says, leaning forward as if this would help press his point.

“Smart storytelling doesn’t involve twenty minutes of monkeys and _no noise_ when things blow up. I get that that’s what would actually happen in space and I can appreciate scientific accuracy but come _on_. That’s all I was here for,” he says, sulking. Peter assured him that stuff blew up but he didn’t know it was going to be _boring_.

“We should watch The Shining, _that’s_ a good movie,” Bucky says and Peter jumps to his feet.

“Stanley Kubrick! That’s also Stanley Kubrick!” he says excitedly.

“Is not,” Bucky says.

“Is so! Who is the one who knows stuff about film? Not you two idiots, you think James Franco is funny,” he says.

“James Franco _is_ funny,” Bucky insists, “and I know things about movies. You know what, Tony’s a genius so _he’d_ know. Did Stanley Kubrick direct The Shining?” he asks.

Tony had no fucking idea but he wasn’t about to let Peter win. “Nope,” he says, giving Peter a smug look.

Peter rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone- a StarkPhone Tony notices extra smugly mostly because if that shit was Hammer tech he’d have to leave this apartment without ever looking back and also hope he didn’t get an STI from this encounter. He makes a satisfied noise when he finds what he’s looking for and all but shoves the phone up Tony’s nose, “it _is_ Kubrick, which I knew because I’m the only one who knows anything about movies here. So _ha_ , genius is an idiot.”

Bucky leans over his shoulder to look at the phone, “oh, it is Kubrick. What the hell, Tony?”

He turns to face Bucky, “why are you blaming me? I don’t know shit about movies, I just wanted to win and now you fucked us both.”

“ _I_ fucked us? _You_ got the director wrong,” Bucky says.

“I’ve never even _seen_ The Shining, I don’t even know what that _is_ , why’d you expect me to know?” Tony asks.

Peter emits what Tony can only describe as a loud, high-pitched noise Tony has only ever heard come out of his _bots_ before that moment. “You don’t know what _The Shining is_? Have you been living under a _rock_!”

“No, I’m very famous if you recall. So what’s The Shining?” he asks, turning to Bucky because Peter looks so offended he might burst.

“It’s a horror movie,” he says and Tony wrinkles his nose.

“Fuck horror movies, they scare me, I don’t like them. Also if I never have to watch another Stainley Clipwick movie ever again it’ll be too soon,” he says.

Peter lets out another scandalized noise, “I am so mad I put my dick in you,” he says, dead serious.

*

Rhodey squints at him, “you did _what_?”

“Slept with a guy who happened to be dating another guy but in the plot twist of the millennium instead of trying to kill me- which is apparently toxic monogamy and _no_ , I don’t know what that is- he was fine with it. Turns out this guy is _hilarious_ and has the same taste in movies as me. Remember when you told me I’d never find a human alive that thinks James Franco is funny? Guess what Rhodey, he thinks James Franco is funny so _ha_.” Rhodey could totally _eat it_.

He rolls his eyes, “James Franco looks like that asshole who’d ask to borrow your mechanical pencils and then never give them back,” he says. “And also _what_? Seriously man, how do these things happen to you?”

Tony shrugs, “dunno but I think I might be going on a date with them tonight? We’ll see how that pans out.”

Rhodey rubs his temples, “Tony I hate to pull this card but I am getting too told for this shit, you need to slow down. I feel like a mother chasing after her wild child except instead of running by with a knife or something you’re off getting into weird relationships.”

He makes an offended noise, “first of all you are _not_ old because I am only five years younger and I can’t be old in five years, okay? Second- of all the relationships I’ve been in you damn well know this is the most normal. I once dated a girl named fucking _Sunset_.”

“Yeah, I maintain the fact that we should forever ban her name from existence,” Rhodey says. “But your relationship with Pepper was less weird.”

“My relationship with Pepper was doomed to fail from the start- no romance there. Or even anything sexual really, I don’t know what we were thinking. I like these guys though, Peter is fun to offend and Bucky always sides with me. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.” Rhodey just sighs and accepts it.

*

Peter has been offended of course- there were probably a million stupid things people asked him about his relationship with Bucky alone that offended him- but the fact that Bucky and Tony thought that _Jaws_ was boring had him contemplating whether or not he wanted to finish his dinner. Ultimately Tony was paying and he wasn’t in the business of denying free food so he eats it but _still_.

“You two are fucking barbarians,” Peter tells them, shaking his head.

“I fell asleep in the first two minutes of Jaws,” Tony admits and Peter throws an arm up.

“You didn’t even give it a chance!” he says.

“I’ve tried watching it three times and I fell asleep every time- it’s a bad movie,” Tony insists.

Bucky nods, “also it made everyone think sharks are super dangerous when they mostly aren’t.”

“Never really understood the shark infested water thing,” Tony says, “I mean the sharks live there. Technically _humans_ are investing the water.”

Peter rolls his eyes, “I don’t care about sharks and danger and whatever, I care about good movies and Jaws is a good movie.”

“The Notebook is the greatest movie of all time, hands down. Much better than Citizen Kane,” Bucky says and Peter stands.

“I’m sorry I can’t do this any more. You two date, you deserve each other,” he says, shaking his head. He just couldn’t be with someone who actually _liked_ The Notebook let alone thought it was the greatest movie of all time let alone it being better than _Citizen Kane_.

“What the hell is Citizen Kane?” Tony asks and Peter lets out a pained noise.

“Why do you guys hate me so much?” he asks. “How the hell do you not know about Citizen Kane? Or The Shining? Do you not know about Star Wars either?”

“No I know about Star Wars. Don’t know why everyone yells about the prequels though, they weren’t _that_ bad,” he says.

Peter sits back down and rubs his temples. “I will give you two _heathens_ one last chance to redeem yourselves. Do you think Jar Jar Binks is a good character?” he asks.

Tony wrinkles his nose, “no, he was fucking annoying.”

“I don’t think he was that bad,” Bucky says and Peter stands back up again, prepared to clear his shit from Bucky’s apartment because this was _not_ what he was here for. “I’m just kidding- I’ve never seen Star Wars,” he says and Tony bursts out laughing at whatever look was on his face.

*

Tony ignores the fifteenth call from Pepper because he had already given the extra ticket he had to some stupid film shit Peter’s stuff was in to Bucky because he couldn’t handle this shit alone. Usually, Tony learned, Bucky stayed home because travelling to film festivals wasn’t financially feasible but thanks to his not wanting to deal with annoying film makers alone he paid to have Bucky come along.

“Are you ever going to tell her or are you going to just let her keep calling you out of some weird hope that you’ll give her the ticket you already gave me?” Bucky asks.

“If I can help it Pepper will never know,” he says. Was it realistic? No. Was he going to try anyways? Absolutely.

Bucky snorts, “she’s going to be so mad. Hell, _Peter_ is going to be so mad. I think he expected you to bring Pepper, which would have made your criticisms of nothing blowing up bearable,” he says.

Tony hadn’t considered that but yeah, that was probably the motivation of giving _him_ the ticket to this thing to begin with. “Well, now he gets to listen to me complain about stuff not blowing up. And whatever you have to say about it.” Honestly the subject of Peter’s film making never came up so he had no idea what Bucky thought of his stuff.

“I like the way he uses music, I think that’s kind of his style though. And I mean he loves music, especially seventies music for some ungodly reason, so it makes sense,” Bucky says.

“Obviously eighties music is the best,” Tony agrees. Though he also agreed that Peter’s use of music was actually really interesting. The soundtracks to his stuff were _incredible_ \- Tony looked up everything he made just to see what he could do. But mostly stuff didn’t blow up so it sounded cool but didn’t really hold Tony’s interest that well.

Bucky frowns, “early two thousands pop music is the best,” he says and Tony immediately moves away from him.

“Be gone from my life, demon.”

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


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